the cake is a lie.

On October 10, 2007, Valve Software released The Orange Box, a collection of five games for the Xbox and the PC. In this magical construction-cone colored box was something for everyone, but most importantly, two of the finest games to be made in the last few years: Team Fortress 2 and Portal. Today, I'll talk about Portal, though sometime very soon I'll put something up about TF2 as well.


The premise of Portal (wiki) is so simple it's sexy: no guns, no blunt objects, no grenades, just a portal gun. That is, a gun that shoots portals. Walk though a blue portal, and walk out of an orange portal, no matter where they both are placed.

This makes for easy walking through walls, but also creates some very fun tricks as well. As this image (stolen from Wired Magazine) shows, momentum is conserved when traveling through a portal. Let me repeat that: you keep your momentum when you go through a portal, as if you had gone through nothing at all. This means that (as you can see in 2a and 2b) when you fall into a portal in a floor, you will "fall out" of the other portal in the wall. Furthermore (3a and 3b), falling down a portal in a floor will result in your "falling up" the other portal in another floor. Fun!

But what really takes the cake (*cough*) is Portal's plot. (I will make an effort not to drop any spoilers.) The game is narrated by a computer, GlaDOS (pronounced like "Gladys") in what has to be the creepiest computerized-human voice I've ever heard anywhere. It's creepy, but GlaDOS also likes to crack jokes - or at least you're not sure if she's joking, which makes it even more funny.

This voice (not to mention this game) is so awesome that my friends and I went around for months before the game was realized repeating the parting line of the Portal teaser trailer: "Now you are thinking...in Portals."

The plot is addictive and clever. It's quick though, leaving everyone wanting more. (Spoliers in these links!!) Thankfully, there's the Internet: here's a flash-based side-scrolling version of Portal that's very entertaining. Also, you would be shocked at how many people have covered the cool Jonathan Coulton song from the end credits screen. This guy, these people from England, and - good heavens.

If you're interested - and you should be - Portal is available as part of The Orange Box either in physical box form in game stores or through Steam, Valve's online distrobution system, for $50. (I used Steam, and I liked the experience - it was easy and fast.) It's a chunk of cash, I know, but for five games, at least two of which are quality, it's worth it.